A few days ago, I sat on the edge of the tub in my son's bathroom and spoke to my amazing Ascended Masters about forgiveness. It wasn't the best day. There was no sun to be found anywhere and it was really cold. I've been avoiding going indepth on this topic because forgiveness isn't easy for me. Chile, I'm not perfect. Just because I am chosen doesn't mean I don't go through hard trials and tribulations. I'm not exempt from experiencing what I came here to learn. If you go take a look at Destine Strategies instagram the posts are what have been going on in my life since I created it. I wanted to impart BIG wisdom onto the public when I really just needed to vent what was happening to me. I will not go into detail, but alot of negative energy was being sent towards me for no reason and I would send it back to the sender with a vengeance. My landline and my cell phone would ring incessantly from unknown callers. Emails from random people I haven't spoken to would try and distract me. It was an epic battle with external/internal demons in this life and in past lives. Remember when I said in a previous blog that there are levels to healing? Well, this was another layer. A gi-normous layer. I knew I had to forgive them, but how? How was I going to forgive these demons and people for hurting me when I had a hard time forgiving my own past.
In my mind, I was going to trick these demonic forces by pretending to be defeated. Yes, honey! I thought that was a brilliant idea. No, boo. No, It was not. I didn't pray, I wasn't listening to any of my music I'd been listening to almost everyday, which was Leandria Johnson singing "Deliver Me", Tasha Cobb and Kierra Sheard's, "Spirit", Tasha Cobb's, "You know my name", "No weapon" performed by Jonathan Nelson and "Jesus can work it out" by Dr. Charles Hayes and the Cosmopolitan Church of Prayer Choir. They were just a few. I thought Spirit told me not to, but that was only the trick of the devil. Just like I could read their thoughts, they could read mine. So, I got busy. I started cleaning and tried not to think about anything. My son was still asleep at this time and I would go into his room and cry thinking this is what the demonic forces wanted to see. It only depleted my energy even more. My saving grace was my niece sending me videos of her singing and just being a typical nine year old. She's so gorgeous, smart and funny. I had to go to work that evening and was a little apprehensive. I didn't trust anyone. Was I going to come back home? What were they going to do? Were they going to give me poison? Yes, these were the thoughts going through my head. Fear, not pretend fear, but actual fear was slowly setting in. As I started to clean my son's bathroom, I could feel the energy of the demonic forces all over me. Finally, I was done and spoke out from my heart. I talked to God of how in the past I unfairly treated friends and how sorry I was. My brokeness held me back from recieving and giving love. I realized the phone calls, emails, energetic harrassments were only reflections of my pain that I did not want to move past, that I had not fully healed from. I was fighting MYSELF. I had been in a battle with myself. As soon as that realization came to light, the phone downstairs was ringing off the hook. I continued speaking. I looked in the mirror and said, I love you, Wendy and I forgive you". Then I spoke about my amazing parents. They're perfectly flawed, too. Isn't that funny? When I was growing up, their parenting skills were not the best. My mom was 18, and my Dad was 23 when they were married. How could they know how to love me completely when they didn't know how to love themselves? They were babies. Given the era they chose to come into, which was the civil rights movement, racism and oppression was what my family knew from past generations. They only knew how to survive, not how to deal with their emotions or even know how to express them. They were only doing what they KNEW. HOW. TO. DO. I put myself in their shoes and understood them and their pain, which was not about me. It had nothing to do with me. It was wounding that was past down. I cried out, "I forgive you, Mom and Dad with every ounce of my soul. I love you so much".
By this time my child was up and playing. I continued to praise God throughout my house naming everyone I knew, forgiving them, blessing them, sending them love and asking for their forgiveness. The attacks grew weaker and I grew more confident. Oh, I was in serious cleaning mode now.. until I went to go wash the dishes. There was a moment where I looked out of the window and became fearful of being "watched" and again, freakin' fear set in. "I can't stand by the window", that's how they killed Martin. Oh, God. My baby. What's going to happen to him"? I went downstairs to the split level and sat down on the love seat. I don't know if it was the voice of Iyanla Vanzant, my sisters, or one of my guides, but whoever it was, said, "If you don't get up off of this love seat, go upstairs and do the dishes right now!" I ran upstairs, put gospel music on and worshiped like never before. Fear can't exist when love is present. I sang praises to Spirit as loud as I could, shouting hallelujah, praying, shouting, shouting, praying and thanking Spirit for favour. My dog howled and my son would periodically tell me to be quiet, but I couldn't. I couldn't stop. I went and opened every single blind, every curtain in my house. I came back into the kitchen where I saw the sun peaking through the clouds until they parted and all was left was magnificant sunshine. The phone calls stopped and I lowered myself onto the floor and wept. After a few minutes, I got myself together, went outside and put my hands on a beautiful oak tree right beside my house and embraced it's energy. I thanked mother nature for protecting me.
Hallelujah thine the glory, Hallelujah amen. Hallelujah thine the glory. Revive us again.
Love is what I chose. Love is all there is. I went to work, I was late, but I went, eyes bloodshot from crying and a bit disheveled. As I sat at the piano, Ralph Smart's video came to mind, How to Reengineer Your Life and Trust the Universe. I knew it was time to go and that it would be my last day there. My spirit was calling me higher and I was aligning with my true purpose.
Today, with so much love in my heart, I forgive myself. I forgive those that have done me harm. I have forgiven and my boundaries are firm and rooted only in love.
I am love. I am light.
To manage my energy field I have every right.
Compassion, peace and strength I am.
I witness the dark with peace in my heart.
In my energy there is space only for love
That is unconditional and gentle as a dove.
I am unconditional love.
I am unconditional love.
I am unconditional love.
-Alana Fairchild, Isis Oracle Tarot
The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside still waters.
He restoreth my soul; he leadeth me down the path of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, tho I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for though art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the prescence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Psalm 23- The Holy Bible