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Dear Healing, I can't.

Who wants to look at their past trauma, and relive it?

It can be too much to handle. Facing fear, anger, shame, guilt, hopelessness, to name a few, requires courage. Removing layers of healing, only to reveal yet another layer, requires strength. Then there is patience, for when you fall and have to start over again. I get it. It's exhausting. That is why some people choose to take the unchallenging route and ignore their healing. They involve themselves with distractions that create endless excuses and denial, such as, "I don't have time," "I'm not the one that needs healing," "I'm totally fine," or my favorite, "I don't care." That may work for a while, but eventually, emotional suffering will resurface in some way. Unwillingness to confront your healing will only prolong the pain.

Avoiding your healing is comparable to a neglected, bacteria-filled wound. You walk around carelessly, without proper bandages, allowing it to become infected, and the more infected it gets, the more the pain increases- all the while, knowing damn well you need a tetanus shot, some Neosporin, and about a hundred and fifty stitches.

Avoidance made its way onto the stage early in my theatre career. I felt inadequate as a performer and harbored jealousy for a few of my peers, which led me to speak ill against them. I was a bitch, and knew better, especially from being bullied in middle school and high school. I ignored my traumatic past and projected my wounds on to harmless people. Avoidance in healing can lead you to hurt people, in the same way, you were hurt.

God: Alright, Wendy. Time to heal.

Me: You got an edible? How bout a shot... of anything? No?

What's your schedule like next month?

My numbing sessions felt great. Crashing back down to reality, did not.

Using drugs and alcohol to numb your feelings isn't the best option. Negative emotions can become worse while under the influence and after the effects have worn off. Have you ever seen someone who was intoxicated and angry? When sober, they may act the exact opposite while suppressing their suffering. Alcohol lowers inhibitions so that the feeling of anger becomes easier to access. In some beliefs, alcohol is a portal for unseen forces that magnify toxic emotion. They don't call it spirits for nothing.

Here are a few ways to stop avoiding and connect to self.

· Get out of the house, go for a walk in nature.

· Meditate. Sit quietly for 10 minutes. If you're having trouble with 10, then 5 minutes is sufficient to center yourself.

· Drink plenty of water. It is known to help release emotional and physical toxins. Water can also improve your mood.

The longer you avoid healing, the bigger those demons from the past become.

"You're never going to rise above where you are until you rise above who you are."

- Iyanla Vanzant


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